"Life is like a camera. Focus on what's important, capture the good times, develop from the negatives and if it doesn't work out, just take another shot!” - Anonymous
It sounds wonderful, isn't it? but it doesn’t seem to be in-sync with my love-life. Embarrassing but true.
I always felt like I suck when it comes to relationships. Something is missing. I didn’t know why it just wouldn’t work. Up until now, I was deluded that I have totally moved-on. When all the while, what I only did was shoving it under the rug and dodging to face the song.
I have a lot of “what if’s” and most of them are about YOU!
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY:
“Textmate mo lang yun!”, “Di mo pa nga na-meet eh” and “Di mo nga alam ang itsura nya ngayon!” are among those comments I often get about you. Nakakatawa pero I remember those days so vividly, like it was just yesterday.
Naaalala mo pa ba yung mga usapan nating walang humpay sa SMS? Lahat ng katopakan at pag a-away natin? May pa-load ka pa pag wala akong reply. Di man natuloy ang ating pagkikita, gusto kong malaman mo na pinahalagahan ko lahat ng efforts mo from encouragements to “small packages” na bigla nalang darating sa bahay noon. Sa katunayan, nasa akin pa ang PDQ at ang resibo na pinadala mo nung nalaman mo na di ako nakahanap ng kopya sa Recto. Napaka-sweet mo!
I would smile to these memories but it always ends with me regretting and questioning myself; What if nagkita tayo nung college? What if sinuway ko na lang si nanay at nakipag-date sayo after all? What if I never went to Denmark or agreed to meet you after my contract to Denmark? What if I saw your e-mail earlier? the list goes on… these questions taunted me for a long time…
Hangang ngayon, hindi ko parin alam ang kasagutan. Pero alam ko na hindi talaga tayo ang nakalaan para sa isa’t-isa.
It has been a good-long fourteen years since then. FOURTEEN.
Panahon na para magpalaya. Panahon na para tahakin ang buhay na nakalaan para sa-akin.
I am writing this today as a way of bidding goodbye to you “my heaven”, I am finally letting you go and letting God. There I said it! It is not easy but I am decided. You have taught me a lot of things and I am beyond grateful for them. I know that I might not see you ever and I do not have any means to find you but I am hoping that this letter will reach you somehow. I want to apologize for all the “let downs” and “waiting” that I caused you. Please forgive me.
Time and distance made us the person we are now and I am not going to let my life be at pause because of my incapability of letting go. I am setting you free and myself from the idea of having an “US”. "Now we are free"!
Salamat. Paalam S.